February 2002-

Well, the Lord had the last laugh.  I kept my end of the bargain.  I reared my daughter in the nurture an instruction of the Lord.  She’s strong mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I truly believe she’ll stand firm in the face of any adversity.

And, the Lord honored my exact request.  Willow is not short.  At five foot five and a half, no one would call her tall, but she’s definitely not short.  She’s not squatty.  She is long, lean, and, well, willowy.  However, whether as a reminder of His sovereignty or because He has a wicked (I can’t say that about the Lord!) divine sense of humor, He blessed her with a bra size I cannot comprehend.  It must be in double or triple D’s.  On a taller or larger boned woman, it wouldn’t look so disproportionate but on Willow, there is no doubt that she has what Kyle used to call, ‘a rack.’

We spent all week designing and constructing a bra that’ll be comfortable and support the weight.  It took a lot of work but it worked and now she has comfortable garments that help support the girls.  I tried naming them Babs and Frieda but somehow Willow didn’t see the humor.  She’s working on a new bra out of diaper flannel now.  If it works, I want one for me.  It’s the softest thing I’ve ever felt.

On the positive side, living out here means she doesn’t live with constant ogling and comments.  I’m very glad I made a point to learn to sew.  That first dress I made her-oh that thing was ugly.  Why did I think that I needed to dress her like a street urchin from the turn of the twentieth century?  The Amish influence was hard to overcome.  One of these days, I need to dig out that dress and show her.  Oh, she’ll get a kick out of my huge stitches that tore every time she wore it.  I mended that dress more than all of her other clothes combined.  Times ten.

Willow read the entry laughing internally.  Those days standing before the mirror, trying a hundred ways to create a bra that was both comfortable, fit her shape, and provided adequate support were some of the most hilarious of her life.

Her mother, never one to mention if she was afflicted with diarrhea or any other fluid malady, found great delight in teasing her daughter about the size of her chest.  “Should have given some to Ashley,” she muttered to herself.

The memory of her mother trying on her bras and filling them with poly-stuffing was one she’d never forget.  T-shirt pulled tight over the results, Kari did a killer Dolly Parton imitation that Willow remembered fondly.  Humming Coat of Many Colors, she set the journals aside and muttered, “If I share mother’s journals, that entry is coming out.  I have some pride.”

A glance at the clock told her it was time to put away her mess.  Aggie was bringing the girls out to discuss dresses for the wedding.  Chad and Luke had made the arrangements hoping Aggie would feel comfortable with the children staying during the forthcoming honeymoon.

She jumped.  Somehow, the Stuartmobile had arrived without a bark from Saige.  “Must be a quiet vehicle.”

Children tumbled from the van helter-skelter.  Willow grabbed her coat and hurried to meet them.  Aggie lined her ‘troops’ up in front of the porch and turned to Willow.  “Can you give them the boundaries?  Cans and can’ts and all that?”

Nodding, Willow led the children to the barn.  “You can come in, visit the animals, but you cannot go in the loft if you can’t touch the eighth rung without standing on something.”

Tavish immediately reached and stretched just barely to the eighth.  “Ok, so me and up can go but anyone shorter than me is out.”

“Right,” Willow agreed.  She’d raised her mother’s limit by two rungs hoping it’d prevent immature but tall children from hurting themselves.  “Now, out here,” she began as she led the children to the yard.  “Don’t go in the chicken yard.  Period.  I don’t care if a chicken hawk eats every chicken in sight, do not open the gate.”  “How very like mother you sound,” she thought to herself.

Aggie looked sharply at the twins.  “Did you hear that?  What did she say?”

“No chickies.  Not at all,” Lorna echoed wisely but a glimmer in Cari’s eye caught Aggie’s attention.

“And if I see you even touch the fence, you’ll come inside and sit on the floor with your hands in your lap.”

“Yeth Aunt Aggie,” Cari whined.

“Other than that, if you can’t see the house, you’ve gone too far.  Turn around.  If you see water, come back.”

Inside, Willow handed Aggie a cup of hot tea and a cherry-almond bar.  “So, what did you have in mind?”

Aggie hurried to the van returning with two large plastic shopping bags.  From within, she pulled the palest pastel chiffon and peach skin in several colors.  “I bought both the white chiffon to go over the pastel and the pastel chiffon.  I didn’t know which looked best.”

“And a style?”

“I was thinking something like the shipoopie outfits at the end of Music Man.”

Willow’s blank expression sent Aggie into a frenzy of explanation but Willow still didn’t understand.  “It’s a movie right?”

“Yeah-”

“I’ll get Chad to bring it to me.  I’ll see it.  Meanwhile, why don’t you bring the oldest inside and keep the boys out until we get her bodice constructed.  I’ll make the dress to fit the bodices once I know what it should look like.  You’ll see.”

As they worked, Willow and Aggie forged a new if somewhat tentative friendship.  Willow told hilarious stories of her childhood on the farm and Aggie told even funnier ones of her children and their escapades.  By the time they were finished with the dress mock-ups, Willow felt comfortable asking a few more personal questions.

“How long have you known Luke?”

“Since the end of May or first of June- somewhere in there.”

“Wow, that’s fast. Do you mind me asking why you decided to marry?”

Aggie sat in Willow’s kitchen rocking chair, held her tea warming her hands, and observed as Willow added wood to the stove, put a chicken in the oven, all as she talked.  “It was fast I guess but it didn’t feel fast.  When you see someone almost all day every day for months, it makes you feel like you’ve known them all your life somehow.”

“I know what you mean and I haven’t seen Chad nearly that much.  I thought it was because we’d worked together so much.  It’s like I woke up one day, found Mother dead but she gave me a brother that I never knew and have always known at the same time.”

Smiling, Aggie handed Willow her empty cup. “Maybe it’s just the Sullivan men.”

“Sullivan, Tesdall, not sure what but there are similarities to them aren’t there?”

“So did you mean you wanted to know why I want to get married or why I want to marry Luke?”

Willow was relieved.  She’d wondered if she’d offended Aggie with her question.  “Well, I think why you’d want to marry Luke is obvious.  He’s a good man and if you want to marry, a good man is a wise choice.  I just see someone, my age, almost to the day, and I wonder why you want to marry.  What about marriage appeals to you?”

“Well, I don’t know.  Most girls want to marry.  Most of my friends dreamed about husbands and our weddings- most of our lives.”

“Are men like that too?  Do they dream of marriage and wives and their wedding days?”  Willow asked very quietly.

“Why do you ask?  I don’t know, I’ve never been a guy but I’m pretty sure most don’t dream of their wedding day- wedding night maybe but not their wedding,” Aggie teased trying to lighten the somber mood that suddenly filled the room.  “I think most guys probably grow up expecting it but I don’t know that they spend as much time dreaming of it that women do.”

“I just don’t understand.  At first, I thought Mother’s experience warped her perceptions but she had nineteen years or so with her parents.  You’d think-”

“I’ve never been through what your mother went through and maybe I’m being a bit naïve but I think there was more to her rejection of men than marriage.  Luke mentioned something about her giving birth here all alone.”

“She was.  It was raining and she was afraid to walk to town for help so she stayed alone.  She was so scared.”

As delicately as possible, Aggie tried to explain that Kari’s experiences probably magnified the horror in Kari’s mind until it was blown out of proportion.  “I’m not sure that your mother was anti-marriage as much as she’d been so deeply scarred by a man.  Physically she endured the attack and labor after it.  She had no support- no one to tell her she wasn’t crazy when she wanted to kill or maim and no one to encourage her.  Labor alone is so intense- my sister used to say she couldn’t make it through labor without her husband.  She said once that if he even left to use the bathroom she felt like she was going crazy.”

“I like watching Chad’s parents.  They remind me of this couple I saw in a restaurant right after Mother died.  They didn’t talk much but their actions- it was so harmonious.  The Tesdalls are like that.”

Aggie smiled.  She thought she knew where the conversation was going and she was excited.  “I know the whole family is hoping you guys will get married.”

A visible shudder washed over Willow.  “I hope they keep those opinions to themselves.  Chad and I have a wonderful friendship and I don’t want to lose it because all the pressure makes him think he’s giving people the wrong idea.”

***

The phone rang.  Instead of the normal ring tone, it played Carol of the Bells making Willow grin.  “Chad!  What did you do to my phone?”

“I thought you needed some holiday cheer.  I’ve got more too.”

“What?”  With less than two weeks until Christmas, Willow was frantically trying to slow down time to enjoy every moment.

“Tonight instead of prayer meeting, a bunch of us are going caroling.  I get off in…” Chad checked his watch.  “Forty minutes.  I could come out, get that loom for Luke to help me with, you could feed me, we could go caroling and have hot chocolate with everyone…”

“I have venison stew on the stove,” she warned.

“I like venison.”

Her laughter was infectious.  “That’s not what your mother says.”

“That’s because I never wanted her to know that it’s her venison that I don’t like.  Aunt Libby’s though-”

“See you soon.  Someone’s walking up the lane.  How strange.”

***

Lynne was surprised at the festive look of the place.  Evergreen bows swagged traditionally along the porch railing, wreaths hung inside dormer windows on the top floor, and candles flickered in the front picture window.  It was better kept and, well, nicer than she’d pictured after reading the article.  Goats, chickens, cows, sheep, and gardens sounded dirty and smelly to her city sensibilities.

The door opened and a young woman stepped onto the porch.  It must be Willow.  Lynne almost prayed that Steve was right- that this would work.  Before she could rehearse her script, the woman called to her.

“Can I help you?”

“I’ve messed up my car and my cell is dead.  I hoped I use your phone and call triple A for service.”

Willow pulled her phone from her pocket and met the woman at the corner of the yard and the drive.  “Sure.”

Uncertain how to keep Willow talking after she was done with the phone, Lynne gave her location and number to the dispatcher and turned apologetically to Willow.  “I can’t believe I did this.  I feel so stupid.”

“What did you do?”  Willow deliberated over the wisdom of inviting a strange woman into her house.

“I messed up my car and of all places, here at your house.”

It was cold.  Willow was already shivering and the woman’s lips were nearly purple and her teeth chattered.  “Please come in.  I don’t want to be rude but I think I should notify my friend that I have someone here- for safety you know.  I don’t usually invite strangers onto my property.”

“I know and I’m sorry.”

Willow called Chad back and asked him to drive out her way.  “Just until the car is fixed.  I can’t make her stay out there, it’s cold!”

Inside, Willow made the woman a cup of hot chocolate and handed it to her.  “It’ll warm your hands too.  Now what were you saying about my house?  I didn’t understand that.”

Lynne felt like a weasel but her desire to know more about this unusual granddaughter of hers overrode her scruples. “I was driving out here to see if I could see your place.  I read the article about you and then my husband told me what he knew about you so I wanted to see for myself.  I didn’t plan to meet you like this.”

“Why should you care about meeting me?  What do you mean plan to meet me?”

“Well, like I said, I just wanted to see where you lived and everything,” Lynne insisted a little too emphatically.  “Then the car started making a weird noise so I pulled over just down the road a little bit.  I didn’t want you to see the car and feel like you had to come out and help.  I wasn’t ready to meet you.”  Willow’s expressions of surprise and uncertainty spurred Lynne on even more recklessly.  “So, I pulled over about a mile down the road and looked under the hood.  My husband always does that and usually it’s some wire or something that needs to be fixed or something so I started pulling at the wires to see if they were tight and-”

“Who are you and why does your broken car have anything to do with me?” Willow interrupted.

“My name is Lynne and I talk a lot when I’m nervous.  I’m sorry.  I’ll go.  I don’t want to make trouble- really. I just wanted to see where you live.”  She glanced around.  “You have a nice little home here.  I’m glad.  I was afraid you’d be dirty and uncouth.”

“Why should you care?”  Confusion was giving way to irritation.

“Steve said I shouldn’t drive out and I didn’t listen.  I just wanted to see.  I didn’t mean to do this.  I’m-”

“What is your last name?”  Not naturally suspicious, Willow had a hard time imagining that the woman before her was Steven Solari’s wife but it made just the slightest bit of sense.

Lynne stood, made an apologetic face, and moved toward the door. “Solari.  My name is Lynne Solari and I just found out the other day who you are.  I am so sorry- My son- I am so sorry.”

Genuine tears flooded the woman’s eyes as she hurried across Willow’s living room, grabbed her coat, and burst out into the yard.  Willow stood in the center of her room, frozen in amazement and wondering what she should do.  The sound of Chad’s cruiser crunching on the driveway soothed her nerves.  Chad would know what to do.

“Why is she crying Willow?”  Chad was sure he’d find Willow in the kitchen, holding her gun, and shaking with rage or fear.

“I guess because she feels bad.”

“Why should she feel badly?”

“Her son is- was, Mother’s- her son is Steve Solari.”

“She came here expecting you to welcome her with open arms?” Chad shouted, livid.

“No.  She says she was just looking at the place and her car broke down.  I don’t believe her.  I think she wanted to find a way to meet me and used the easiest way.”

“How despicable!”

Willow shrugged and moved into the living room watching the woman retrace her steps to the highway.  “I think it’s understandable.  She lost her only child; her only grandchild has no reason to want to give her a chance so she makes up an excuse.  Wrong, but hardly nefarious.”

“So why did you kick her out?”

“I didn’t,” Willow protested.  “She left.  I was so stunned-”

“Mind if I call her back.  I know Fairbury tow service.  It takes an hour this time of year.”

“Sure.  I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”

Chad rushed after Lynne and returned with her several minutes later.  Lynne’s tears flowed freely and her words made no sense but Chad and Willow tried talking to her.  “Mrs. Solari-”

“Lynne,” she sniffled.  “No one calls me Mrs. except Steve’s office manager and she only does it to try to make me sound old to him.”

“So you wanted to meet Willow-”

“I didn’t know if I did but I wanted to see where she lived,” Lynne corrected.

“That’s not true and we both know it.  You wanted to meet me and so you found a way to do it- probably with your husband’s help.”

“I didn’t-”

Willow’s cool demeanor stopped Lynne’s repeated protestations of innocence.  “Mrs. Solari, I have never owned or driven a car but it doesn’t make sense that someone would loosen or remove a bunch of wires because they think one wire is loose enough to make the car not run right.”  Before Lynne could protest, Willow continued.  “A dead battery on a phone when you planned a long trip like this didn’t make sense but someone as obviously wealthy as you are would have one of those little car charger things like Chad does for his phone.”

“I forgot it.”

“Where?”

Lynne shrugged.  “Kitchen counter- maybe the mudroom.  I don’t know”

Sighing, Willow stood, grabbed Chad’s chocolate mug, and refilled it.  “If you’d said it was another car, I might have believed you but it doesn’t make sense to remove a car charger from a car if you’re not putting it in another one.”

Beaten, Lynne Solari told the entire story.  She confessed her husband’s plan, their grief over their son’s behavior, and the eagerness she’d felt when she realized that there was a grandchild.  “Of course I knew you wouldn’t want to meet me.  Who would?  But I’m not Stevie.  I didn’t hurt your mother.  I couldn’t believe it when Steve told me-”

“Now that’s hard to believe, Mrs. Solari,” Chad protested.  “A son like that, murdered in a drug deal, several civil cases against him-”

“I know.  Most of it, they kept from me but I’m not as dumb as they think I am.  I just didn’t know it was that bad.  I knew he was into drugs and he was a bit of a womanizer but I never imagined-” She looked sick just thinking of it.  “I would have thrown him out of the house if I knew he was capable of that.”

Chad’s cell phone rang.  He answered, listened for a moment, and disconnected.  “Paul is over at your car.  I’ll drive you to him.”

Lynne glanced back at Willow as she turned to leave the room.  “I hope someday you’ll forgive us.  I’d like to be friends at least.  You’re nice.  You knew I lied and deceived you but you were nice.  Thank you.”

At the door, Willow placed a hand on Lynne’s arm.  “I can’t say it’ll ever happen but if I get comfortable with the idea of getting to know you, I know how to contact your husband.  However, if you don’t hear from me, I’d rather not hear from you.”

“That’s reasonable.  Thank you Willow Finley.  I think your mother must have been a fine woman to raise such a wonderful daughter.  I wish I could have known her.”

An unmistakable coolness entered Willow’s voice.  “That would never have been possible.”

Lynne stared at the door, shocked, as it closed in her face.  She glanced at Chad.  “Wow.”

With a grim smile, Chad led her down the steps to his cruiser.  “That’s the general impression Willow leaves.”  He cleared his throat after settling behind the wheel.  “Mrs. Solari-”

“Lynne-”

With stronger emphasis, Chad tried again.  “Mrs. Solari, I have to warn you.  If you try to contact Willow without first hearing from her, I will help her file and will personally enforce a restraining order.  Don’t put her through it.”

“I won’t.  I know,” she began resignedly.  “I know I seem like a pampered and spoiled woman who expects that she can have anything she wants if her husband is willing to buy it but if there is one thing I’ve learned, you can buy people but you cannot buy relationships.”

Chad let her out next to her car. “I’ll be praying for you Mrs. Solari.  I’m very sorry for your losses.  All of them.”